Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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