I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
