i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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