there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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