Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well I just put wine in my tea
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
