playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
operation harelip BJ is a go
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
BRING THE BAGELS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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