just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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