went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
