you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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