If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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