well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
