I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
