Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
