I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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