You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
