yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
