I haven't been this sober since birth.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
