He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize