is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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