i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This beer is not sobering me up at all
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
