I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
