i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize