Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
