someone threw a dead crab at me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
