you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
