I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
