i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
