i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
