is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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