If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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