the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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