The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
