Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
