I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
vagina is talking i cant
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
