no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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