Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
