I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
