he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
