the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
