Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
