it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
