Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
