Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
