I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
