So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
