i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
