I think I just saw someone hide a body.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
