But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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