can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
