pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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