its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize