he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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