She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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