I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
