Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
