Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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