I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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