Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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