i jhust puked up my retainher.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
