he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
