people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
