If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize