I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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