She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
