he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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