I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
