I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I touched a dick in church today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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