i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
