is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize