I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You should frame my arrest warrant.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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