yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
