Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had sex on a roof
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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