if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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